This is a video newsletter from one of the people that I follow on youtube and thought I'd share this because I'm sure just about every man can relate to this. Enjoy.
How to get out of friend-zone after acting weak & pathetic for many years.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy who has been stuck in friend-zone for many years. He’s acted like the gay male girlfriend, listened to her complain about her lying cheating boyfriends and always caved to being stuck in friend zone. He’s too scared to stand up for himself, what he wants and is terrified of losing her.
It’s one of the worst cases of oneitis I’ve seen in many years. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He’s got this girl that he met all the way back 2020, four years ago. He started kind of dating and hanging out. He called it a situationship talking phase, but it never progressed beyond making out. So now I guess apparently this girl has moved away and they’re long distance, and he’s on his way to go to a concert with her and her sister.
So he’s firmly planted in friend zone. He’s been acting like the gay male girlfriend for basically four years. So even though he’s involved, he says he’s been through the book three times, as you guys see when I go through this, it’s like he’s just continuing to make the same mistakes and he really hasn’t changed his approach very much at all. Something to keep in mind is that if you’re in a situation with a girl where you’re interested in sex and romance and she’s trying to keep you in friend zone, if you keep hanging out with her after she’s put you in the friend zone, going to lunches and taking her places, you continue to to allow her to do verbal diarrhea on the phone and be there for her and listen to the girl complain about her boyfriends who were lying to her and cheating on her.
No self-respecting man who has choices and options with women is just simply going to sit around and put up with that. He’s going to say, “Hey, that’s something to take up with your boyfriend. If you’re ever single and you like to go out on a date, that’d be great, but I’m not going to be just your friend.” Then from that point forward, you can’t continue to interact, but if you’re constantly telling her that you’re not interested in friendship, yet you keep hanging out with her and you keep doing platonic things, your words and your actions don’t match. So she’s looking at the fact that you’re continuing to act like a friend, so she doesn’t really take you seriously when you tell her that you’re not interested in being friends. So you stay firmly stuck there.
So this guy’s behavior hasn’t changed at all. Just telling her you’re not interested in friendship, but then you continue to do all the same platonic things, she’s going to assume that you’ve acquiesced to her demands. So now this guy has got four years of doing this. On top of that, he’s got the extra wrinkle of the fact that she’s moved away and he’s going to go fly to her, which again is something else you should not be doing. If you told a girl you’re only interested in dating and romance, sex and romance and then you’re going to go fly to her to do a group date with her and her sister to go to a concert, well the sister is the cock blocker, or in this case, the clam slammer. She’s the one that gets in the way of any kind of romance happening. So that’s obviously strategic and by design on the woman’s part. She knows this guy is interested, but yet he can’t help himself. He just doesn’t have the balls or at least hasn’t his balls haven’t fully dropped to where he’s willing to stand up to her and walk away. You can’t just tell a girl you’re not interested in friendship and then continue to do all the same things that you’ve always done that got you stuck there.
So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.
I’m relatively new to your work. I’ve been watching your YouTube videos for about six months and I am on my 3rd read of your book. Thank you for all you do to enlighten men to the truths of dating and attraction.
Well knowledge, as they say, is not power. It’s potential power. It only becomes power when you actually apply it. Obviously, I’ve been through your email and it doesn’t look like you have have changed your approach in any way since you came across my work. So that’s a big reason why you’re just spinning your wheels and getting nowhere and you’re extremely frustrated because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it and you never walked away and your words don’t really mean anything. That’s why this girl doesn’t take you seriously.
If you’re not man enough to stand up for yourself and what you want and to stand up to a girl that’s put you in friend zone and say, “No, thanks,” and then refuse to interact with her going forward in a platonic way, well you’re going to continue to stay stuck in friend zone then, because you’ve got to be more masculine than she is. When you constantly cave to her demands, you’re acting like a bitch. You’re acting weak and you’re acting effeminate, girly and submissive. You’re literally acting like a woman, that’s why there’s no sexual polarity and you’re drying her pussy up to the point where you’re not getting anywhere close to it. That’s just a fact of life. You can want her all you want, but if you continue acting like a girl, she’s going to treat you like another girl.
There is a girl that I was with back in early 2020. We didn’t officially date. It was more of a situationship/talking phase. I still managed to fall in love with her…
Well, you fell in love with the idea of the fantasy that you wanted her to be. So you’re projecting your fantasy onto her, and you’re completely ignoring the reality of the situation.
…And have had feelings for her ever since she broke up with me up until this point.
Well, women don’t care about what a great guy you are, how nice you are, how handsome you are or how rich you are. They only care about how they feel about you, and no amount of you liking her, professing your love or your feelings has any effect on her attraction and feelings towards you. What makes her attracted to you is when you act like a man, when you act masculine, and unfortunately, you’re constantly acting effeminate, weak, girly, and quite frankly, pathetic. It’s unbecoming of a man.
We maintained a friendship after that.
Well, that was your first mistake. If you want sex and romance, you just say, “Hey, you’re great, but I’m interested in you romantically. I didn’t sign up to be your pal, your buddy or your friend. If you ever change your mind, get in touch and we can go on a date.” Then from that point forward, you should be following the script that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, meaning that after that, she’s got to come to you on your terms. Therefore, she submits to you and what you want. Instead, you keep going to her, chasing after her and submitting to her, and you’re still acting like the girl.
As 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, if she comes after she’s friend zoned you and you said, “No thanks,” she has to come to your place for the next three dates, to hang out, to have fun and to hook up. If you hook up all three times in a row when she comes over, then you can meet her out and pick her up. You got to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from that point forward, and it takes balls to do that, especially when you got four years invested and your blue balls are the size of fucking watermelons and they’re ready to explode.
Again, if you keep acting like a bitch, women are going to treat you like a bitch. If you’re not strong enough to stand up for yourself and what you want, they don’t feel safe with you. They don’t feel safe opening their legs and risking a pregnancy because you don’t act like a man. You act like another girl, and therefore they know instinctively if they had a child with you, that they would have to be the man in the relationship. That doesn’t make them feel safe. They don’t want to be your mommy, they don’t want to teach you how to be a man and they don’t want to boss you around and order you around. They want to be put in their place and dominated by a guy who knows how to act like a man. If you think about a woman physically, she submits to you in every way emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically, but when you submit to the girl, you’re acting like a chick. That’s why women are repulsed by it.
Before coming across your work, I made mistake after mistake, such as trying to chase her back into my life, use logic and reason to win her over, and I would allow myself to be disrespected by her in so many different ways to the point where I single-handedly decimated any ounce of attraction she may have had for me after the breakup. I’ve told her in the past that I wasn’t interested in a friendship and I wanted something more, only for me to give in to her terms of friendship a few months later.
That’s why you got blue balls. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it, and you don’t mean the things you say. When you don’t, when you say one thing and you do another, women are not going to trust your masculine core, they’re not going to trust you, they’re not going to feel safe with you, they’re certainly not going to feel safe submitting and opening their legs to you so you can have your way with them because you literally scare them. You dry their pussy up drier than a haunted house in the middle of the Sahara Desert that nobody has been in 200 years.
I’ve listened to her rant and cry about how bad the other guys treat her, how her boyfriend cheated on her, only for her to continue to go back to them.
Again, because you keep acting like a chick. There’s no sexual polarity and therefore no sexual attraction.
Shortly after her boyfriend cheated on her and then broke up with her in early 2023, we made out a few times while drunk and she sent me some nudes here and there. I think maybe she desperately needed male validation at that time and I was the best option.
Well, she knew she had you wrapped around her finger, so she could dangle the carrot by sending you a few nudes and you’d be doing cartwheels in the street, but at the end of the day, you still acted like a bitch and you didn’t get to the Promised Land. She wasn’t going to let you mow her strawberry fields.
One day, when we were visiting a friend after that, I got out of the shower at our friends house only to see her sitting on the bed with the door closed. She told me she wanted to give me head. It totally caught me by surprise but I pulled my pants down, got naked and we stood there and said a couple awkward words…
Well, you shouldn’t have said anything. You should have just pulled your pants down, walked up to her, put her hands on your schwanz and let her do her thing without saying anything. Instead, you open your fucking mouth and started talking and said a bunch of awkward shit that wrecked the moment, turned her off and dried her pussy up.
…Before she subsequently decided that she actually wasn’t “Feeling it,” and was not going to be giving me head. We’ve never had sex.
So he probably started, “Are you sure? Oh, I don’t want to go for this unless you’re absolutely certain.” I mean, you can just think of the dumb ass things that he probably said because quite frankly, we’ve all been there when we were younger, didn’t know any better. Women are ready to give it up and you keep talking and you keep talking and you literally talk her out of it and she’s rolling her eyes going, “This guy doesn’t have a fucking clue.” So she goes and fucks Chad Thundercock later or the ex-boyfriend who’s always been terrible to her because at least he acts like a man. He will take her and have her have his way with her.
Her and her sister moved out of state a little over a year ago. I’m still close with her sister…
Probably the only reason you’re close to her sister is you’re hoping that she’s going to help you get in her her pants, which is just more pathetic, weak behavior.
…And I am flying up in a little over a week to go to a concert with them.
So if you’ve been following me for six months and you supposedly have read the book three times, and you’ve probably, I would imagine, also been through 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back where the women have to come to you. Why on earth do you think it’s a good idea to hop on a plane and go to her to go to a concert with her and her sister, which is a group date? Group dates are fine when she’s in love and you’re in a relationship, but you’re just cock-blocking yourself here. You’re literally doing the opposite of everything I teach. So you’ve read the book, you’re watching videos, you have probably seen 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and you don’t have the balls to invite her to come see you. You just jump on a plane at her beck and call and fly there like a chick to submit to her like a chick, and all you get is blue balls and an empty wallet for your troubles and maybe a peck on the cheek.
My plan with my ex is to hangout, have fun, and read her attraction to see if hooking up is going to be on the table during the trip.
Again, this is why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says if you’ve been stuck in friend-zone or you’ve been rejected, she must come to you. Why? Because she must submit to you, but no, you didn’t do that. You completely ignored it and you continue submitting to her and acting like a chick and she’s bringing her sister to the concert as a cock-blocker to make sure nothing romantic happens because you’re so pathetic and weak that you won’t stand up to her. You should have never, ever agreed to this. This is dumb. This is a complete opposite of what I teach. So your behavior since coming across my work hasn’t changed at all.
After coming across your work, I understand that I need to make it clear I am only interested in a relationship, or at least friends with benefits and nothing less.
Yeah, but your words don’t mean shit because you don’t even believe your words. You’re still willing to hop on a plane and fly to her, which is the exact opposite of what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. If you’re just going to keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, that’s a definition of insanity. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. So you say you’re not interested in friends, the attitude is you’re willing to give her a chance to win you over. That’s why she comes to you, because it’s an act of submission in her part. That’s why you make a date in the evening to make dinner together. You don’t do lunch or coffee because you want her to submit to a romantic date. Girls that are trying to keep you stuck in friend zone will do group dates, they’ll do lunches, they’ll do coffee, they’ll do anything to avoid being with you one-on-one alone in the evening. Therefore, if a woman agrees to come to your place in the evening to make dinner together, sex is on the table, but you didn’t have the balls to stand up for yourself and do that, and that’s why her legs are closed, because you’re still acting like a girl.
I know I’m being harsh, but four years of this, all the wasted time you spent on the phone talking, being stuck in friend zone, thinking about her day in and day out, week after week, month after month, year after year. Meanwhile, there’s other girls that you’re meeting in your life that would probably like to date you and sleep with you, and you don’t even notice them because you’re obsessed with the fantasy that’s now looks like on the other end of the country by a plane ride, and that’s on you.
I know that I need to let her be the one to reach out to me, and when she does reach out, I need to set a definitive date in the evening with an opportunity for sex to happen, and leave it at that.
My questions are these: First, how can I adjust these strategies since we are now long-distance and I can’t just set up a date every time she reaches out?
You don’t adjust these strategies. Look at what you’re doing. You’re jumping through your butt to fly across the country and go be with her, you’re submitting to her, you’re acting like a chick. I don’t understand how you can’t see that. I mean, this stuff is spelled out in black and white. It’s in the book. It’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and it’s in countless videos. You don’t get on a plane and go to her. You tell her, “Hey, I’ve told you many times I’m interested in sex and romance. If you don’t want to fly to see me and spend the weekend with me at my place, I wish you all the best. If you ever change your mind, that would be wonderful, but I’m just not going to continue to be your friend. I don’t want that. I’ve been telling you that. You just need to let me be and let me go so I can find somebody who values me, appreciates me and treats me the way I want to be treated, because I’m over this.”
The only thing I really want to see from him, especially after four years, you should be saying, “The only thing I want to see from you is your itinerary and your plane ticket, so I know when and where to pick you up at the airport to spend the weekend together coming to visit me.” If she gives you any excuse, because again you have known each other for four years, this ain’t like a chick you dated for a few weeks or a few months and then got stuck in friend zone. You’ve known her for four years. You spent a lot of time with her, she’s seen you naked, you seen nudes of her, you’ve kissed, you’ve made out. You’re not a stranger. So it’s like you’re either in or you’re out. At this point, she’s either willing to come to you and do things on your terms, or she’s not serious about sex and romance, and you can’t be a bitch and keep jumping through your butt to accommodate her and basically take the stuff that I teach and bend it and change it. So you, in essence, keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, and that’s why you keep getting the same thing, which is not what you want, but the way you’re acting, that’s why she’s not going to give up the pussy to you.
She loves to send memes, text, FaceTime and talk on the phone at length about all sorts of random subjects.
Again, this is not what you do. This is how you get stuck in friend zone. You’re her emotional tampon. No self-respecting man is going to do this shit for four fucking years, dude. Come on, man. Have some fucking self-respect.
I know that if we lived in the same city the phone would only be for setting dates. Can I use our open line of communication to my advantage somehow?
Just tell her that you’re not going to do this friendship thing anymore. If she really wants to see you and spend time with you, she can buy a plane ticket and she can come see you, because if she’s unwilling to buy a plane ticket to come see you, then she’s not serious about romance. She’s just wasting your time and you’re just no longer going to do that. You’ve given her four years unlimited numbers of chances over the last four years, and nothing in her behavior has changed.
Second, since she is already aware of my feelings for her…
Again, women don’t fucking care about how much you love them or you drool over them. It means nothing. Actually, the more you talk about your feelings, the less interested she becomes, the more it dries her up. That’s just a fact of life.
…(Last time I poured my heart out was about 10 months ago), should I tell her the same thing again…
Really dude? You’ve read my book three times, and you think vomiting your feelings all over her when it specifically says in the book not to do that is going to work the 10th time you try it? I mean seriously bro, you have some serious delusion going on.
…After the trip to make sure she doesn’t think my feelings have changed…
Well, she just looks at your actions and she knows you’re still a bitch. So it doesn’t matter what words come out of your mouth. She enjoys the attention, she enjoys the validation, she enjoys the fact you’re willing to spend your money to come see her, and probably you’re paying for her ticket to go to the concert.Y ou’re probably paying for her sister’s ticket, I would guess. Maybe I’m wrong, but more than likely you’re probably doing that. So why wouldn’t she want to go to a concert? You’re going to fly there and take them to a concert and spend all the money, buy them food, buy them drinks, and you’re going to get a nice little peck on the cheek.
…Since then and she understands why I won’t be reaching out to her?
Again dude, you’ve been following me for six months, and you’re still reaching out to this girl? It’s like, come on. Seriously. This has got to be one of the most pathetic emails I’ve seen in a long time around the topic of friendship.
I know that when I get back, if I stop reaching out to her completely, she will be upset and start texting me and calling me more asking what’s going on, and I want to prepared and know what to do when that happens.
Thank you in advance. I really appreciate your work man!
Well again, you said you read the book three times. The reality is you’re too much of a pussy to actually apply it, and you’re too much of a pussy to actually apply what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, because you’re afraid she’s going to stop talking to you. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it, and you haven’t been willing to mean it. You just talk and you run your mouth, and you don’t follow through on anything that you say to her. She doesn’t feel safe with you. She doesn’t feel safe opening the legs up because of how pathetic you act.
I know I’m being harsh dude, but nobody else is going to tell you this shit and be real with you like I am. So hopefully you knock this shit off. I mean, you’ve wasted four years of your fucking life that you can’t get back. Every day, your life that you have left is doing this. It’s shrinking. You’ve wasted four fucking years, and you think flying on a plane and spending a bunch of money on her, and then puking your feelings all over her when you’ve done it many times in the past, is somehow going to work this time around. Come on, dude. Seriously? Like, grow a set of balls, jump up and down really hard until your balls finally drop. Come on.
I mean, you’ve already bought the ticket. You’re already on your way there. I mean, what are you going to be looking for? Is she playing with her hair or is she touching your arm? Is she standing too close? All this stuff is detailed in the book. If she says, “Oh, I just think of you as a friend.” It’s like, “I told you. I’m not interested in that.” If after the concert she tries to friend-zone you again, I’d bump the flight up earlier, your return flight and go back. “Well, if you’re adamant and said that you’re not interested in sex and romance, then I’m actually going to fly home tomorrow. Instead, I’m going to hop on the next flight and I’m going to leave, and the only way we’re ever going to see each other again is if you’re willing to hop on a plane and come see me and make mad, passionate love to me. Unless you intend on doing that, I don’t want to hear from you again. This is over. I’m done with this. I’ve told you over and over I’m not interested in friendship, and you don’t respect me. You don’t respect my wishes. So I don’t want to hear from you unless you’re interested in sex and romance because I’ve given you four years of my life, and this is going nowhere, and I’m done with it. There’s other girls back home that want to date me, and I’ve been kind of putting them off, and I’m just not going to put them off anymore. So if you ever want to, if you ever want to see me again, you’re going to have to come fly to see me, stay with me and make mad, passionate love. If you’re not ready to do that, I don’t want to hear from you. I’ll stay through the end of my trip, but it’s because you want to fuck my brains out. If you don’t, I’m out of here. I’m just leaving.”
You got to have the balls to do that. You can be this harsh with her at this point, because you look like a sucker, you look pathetic, you look weak. That’s why she’s not willing to give it up to you. The book is not going to help you if you just read it and then you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done. That’s why you keep getting the same results. You never, ever fly to a girl that has friend-zoned you. You’re not going to sit there and FaceTime with her again, because in this particular case, you’re not strangers. You’re at the point where you’re either in or you’re out. You either want sex and romance or, “I don’t want to see you again.”
I had a girlfriend in the book that I did that with. I did the same pathetic shit that you did. So I’m not sitting here calling kettle black. When I was young and dumb and didn’t know any better, I did the same stupid fucking things that you did. Sometimes things are even worse. I didn’t spend four years stuck in friend-zone though, but it got to that point with my girlfriend that had a daughter where I was firmly stuck in friend-zone. I just said, “Unless you’re interested in sex and romance and making love, this is over. I’m out of here,” and she was upset and I said, “I don’t want to hear from you unless you’re serious,” and she’s like, “Let me think about it.” I was like, “Alright,” and she came to my office. She cried. I said, “Well, let’s go back to my house now and make love.” She’s like, “I’m not ready.” I was like, “Well, figure it out and get back to me.” Then like 48 hours later, I got a call when I was on the golf course, I was actually with, I think, her brother, and I said, “Well, are you in or are you out?” She’s like, “I’m in.” I was like, “Great, let’s make dinner this weekend at my place.” I had a crock pot that she had bought me for, I think it was birthday or Christmas. I said, “I got an awesome recipe. We’ll make that. We’ll make dinner, we’ll have some wine and we’ll make love,” and she’s like, “OK, that sounds good,” because she knew I was serious because I had told her, “I don’t want to hear from you again. I’m not going to do this friendship thing. I’m over it.” It’s like, “If you’re not interested in sex and romance, I don’t want to hear from you again.” It got to that point because that had gone on for like a year and a half. That was the longest I ever did that.
You’ve been on four fucking years, and you’re in the same place that I was. So that’s what you need to do if you want to move this out of the platonic zone into the romantic zone, because the way you’re going about it, is just not going to work, dude. It’s just not going to fucking work. You got to have the balls to stand up to a girl, stand on your principles, and be willing to lose them forever because she’s not giving you what you want, and that’s what she really needs from you, is for you to stand up to her, tell her no and make her come to you.
Like I said, everything I said, because you’ve already bought the ticket, you’re going there to see her, so when you get there, if she again puts you off, just say, “I told you I’m only interested in sex and romance. If you’re trying to tell me you’re only interested in something platonic, I’m going to bump up my return flight home as quickly as possible and you’re never going to see me again, and I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t want any phone calls. I don’t want to hear you call me crying about your boyfriends or whatever that dicked you over. I don’t care. I’m interested in you and me naked in bed together, and if that doesn’t excite you, then go find the right guy for you. I’m going to go find the right girl. I got a few girls back home that have been that are definitely want to hang out and probably interested, so I’m going to give my focus and attention to them, because I’ve given you four years for you to get your shit together and I’m done with it. Again, you’re either in or you’re out.”
At this point, there is no grey area. If she calls, you just say, “Are you calling to tell me you’re emailing me your itinerary?” If she says, “No, I just want to talk.” “I was serious. I don’t want to hear from you. The only thing I want from you is an email with your itinerary so I know when to pick you up at the airport, and I’m going to pick you up. We’re going to come back to my place, shower, change, we’ll make a nice romantic dinner together. Then after we make dinner, we’ll make love. If you’re not cool with that, then I got nothing else to say to you. I don’t want to hear from you anymore.”You have to be that blunt. That’s where you’re at at this point, dude. You got to have the balls to stand up to her. If not, this shit will go on indefinitely until you find out Chad Thundercock has knocked her up or she’s getting married, because next time when she gets serious with some other guy, what’s going to happen? She’s just going to disappear from your life and live happily ever after with somebody else. Then you’re going to be feeling like the world’s biggest sucker because of all the years you waited, sitting on the sidelines while she jerked you around because you kept trying to make her the man.
The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it, and you haven’t been willing to mean it yet. So grow a set, dude. You can do this. You’ll feel much better either way. Whether she comes over and you hook up or you never speak to her again, either way, you’re going to be free. You’re going to be free wheeling in her pussy, or you’re going to be a free agent to find somebody else’s pussy to lose yourself in.
