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“I don't think he's the only person who came on this site thinking that casual sex would be the perfect thing for whatever ailed them, and then discovered it just wasn't their thing.”
Based on my experiences, there are an extraordinary number of men I’ve met who resemble this statement.
I think you're right. I suppose since there are so many men who are not successful here - who never end up meeting someone and having casual sex - they never have that learning happen.
I think this reflects wonderfully on you. U needed the release on many many levels and felt comfortable enough with this man to do so. Im glad u had someone readily available. So much pent up angst n emotion needed a safe place.
A man once cried with me and it was the most tender time ever. It was honest n true n raw feelings. We just held each other as i wiped his tears.
Im sorry about your mom, mine was in 2011 and i will never process it. Holidays and bdays continue to be challenging.
I think ive said this before, but my oldest n closest friend who passed in 2020, held me upon the loss of my hubs and said to me that , " tears are cleansing, cry as much as you need to ". Yes....cathartic indeed ~
"So much pent up angst and emotion needed a safe place" - yes exactly! It wasn't just her death, it was the agonizing process of making the decision to send her to hospice (my brother didn't agree and we had to convince him) and then the week of watching her slowly fade.
Hugs jajo - I don't think we ever really stop missing our mom.
@smartasswoman And with the dementia, the time before the stroke where you lose them a little bit at a time as their memories fade. Been there, done that.
I can understand that. We find comfort in each other whether having sex or not. But if there is sex it can be as you said, cathartic. A release and a resolution. ❤️
I'm not sure anything was resolved but it definitely was helpful to do something to make the tears release.
The episode after your mom ... not horniness but what I call needing the comfort of the loins.
That's a good way of wording it!
Two very touching stories, full of emotions; thank you for narrating them so well. What I love most about the Christmas season is that it serves as a perfect excuse to reminisce about old times and old feelings. Moreover, many of us feel the need to share and recount them, and in doing so, we recall the people who were part of those events and feel them close, as if bringing them back to life. For me, feelings are always more interesting than facts, but the latter are necessary to understand the former.
I wish you a very Merry and prosperous 2024.
I tell you what, I always like your take on things, Mibelayze. I agree that it's good to share past events and feelings...therapeutic in a way.
Happy new year!
There is often lively sex around the time of someone passing. It can be helpful and cathartic. I'm glad you had someone there with you. Hugs!!!
It's nice to hear it's not an entirely strange phenomenon. 😊 Hugs!
I like your story much better - that sound just amazing and awesome!
@smartasswoman
@CarriedBack go to his “private message” post on his blog - you’ll be able to leave a comment that’s not visible to anyone except you and him.
My private mailbox, NEW 03/07/2022
@smartasswoman
@CarriedBack
@lonlyforlove2 lol...Lonly....hundreds ??? Geeze !!!
@jajo696
The feminization of the male started in the 80’s seems to have come to complete fruitation, young men have been neutered and emasculated.
Wow. Even after all these years I never cease to be amazed by the stories people share here, and this one is so personal Smarty, I feel we are honoured to be trusted with your feelings, and your memories of your mother, however long ago these things may have happened.
It hasn't happened to me, but I have heard that death often prompts an unexpected desire for sex, and I suppose it isn't surprising, simply from an evolutionary point of view. And sex can be comforting in any time of trouble, but I think I prefer not to use it that way.
I had a girlfriend who always cried and laughed at the same time when she had an orgasm, and she seemed to think it was perfectly normal, but it made me a bit uneasy as I recall. I myself have never cried after sex, but I knew a guy, many years ago, who talked about it a lot and thought everyone did. He even coined a term for it, (probably not his own) which was "post coital tristesse." He was a strange and rather sad guy though, I now realise.
I think it can come from a sense of pointlessness, as you describe. I do remember a long time ago a couple of occasions when I have felt like it was a bit of a waste after not very successful casual sex. Since then I have learned to know I am getting it right, at least for myself, lol, when afterwards I feel a kind of vacant-minded warm happily-glowing content.
I love the term ‘post coital tristesse’. I think I could have been friends with that guy, even if he was strange and sad. 😊
@smartasswoman I only knew him in his early twenties, but I find it hard to believe he turned into the kind of man who would have been a good friend to anyone. He didn't have a lot going for him apart from his wit and intelligence - not much empathy or natural human kindness. I suppose you never know though!
@hotdreamer1000 hm, interesting. Wit and intelligence go a long ways with me, but I suppose not in the entire absence of empathy.
I have cried numerous times after (and a few during) intercourse/other orgasmic moment, but don't think I've ever had a man do it with me. I've cried for a myriad of reasons...pain, guilt, shame, built up stress being released...and sometimes for no reason I could even explain. I cry fairly easily, but maybe when my defenses are down and I'm more grounded by the touch of another...it happens even easier? Not sure. It can be disconcerting to some partners. Others don't notice or pretend not to. Once or twice they've apologized...whether they needed to or not. Thank you for sharing your story.
I think I would find it strange if the other person didn't notice. At a minimum I would hope they'd say "are you OK?" even if I didn't particularly want to talk about why I was crying.
There's nothing wrong with crying easily (not that you were saying that there was). I think it would be better if more people could release their emotions easily. Hugs!
I to suspect that many come on here thinking that casual sex will fill the loneliness and find it doesn't. As for your story, I do not think it reflects poorly on you at all. There are times when we desperately need the touch of another human being. As for being horny in the face of death, sex is one way of affirming life and you had just had to make some hard decisions about a loved one's life. Sounds like it helped you so you should never feel bad that it happened.
May you end this year on a high note and the new one bring you some unexpected joys.
"sex is one way of affirming life and you had just had to make some hard decisions about a loved one's life." - very well said! I agree.
Happy new year to you!
Thank you for being open and sharing this. I don't have anything that I could relate with. If anything it tells me that as beings we deal with loss and emotions and raw feelings that are hard to process. I find that sometimes sharing a personal feeling or instant in ones life can shed light on what someone may go through or experience. Thank you.
I certainly feel people probably know me a bit better after today's post. 😊
It's good to be vulnerable sometimes.
@smartasswoman I agree. I have found that opening up about some of my own things that have happened to me as been somewhat therapeutic for me.
Thanks for offering these insights into your life.
Spunky's post struck a chord I guess!
Your story of your mother's passing is nearly parallel to mine. I'm so very sorry for your loss. This Christmas was particularly tough even though mom has been gone for 20 years now but I got through it! Had I been entertained by a playmate during this time, I'm sure I would have at least teared up. I don't believe I've ever cried during/after sex but I get why some might. An orgasm is a powerful thing and brings to the surface many an emotion. Brava to you and your reaction to your young lover. I'm sure many would have reacted quite differently.
I'm sorry for your loss, too. My sisters and I have discussed many times that it really was the right time for it to happen (because of my mom's increasing dementia - she would have soon had to go into memory care which she would have hated). And it was a relatively peaceful way for her to go. But it was still hard! Hugs...
I dated a woman for quite a long time once. We engaged in just about every sex act that people do except anal sex. She knew I had an unhealthy obsession with it. One night when I was performing oral sex, she asked if I would lick her asshole. She said she wanted to try it. At the time I did not know that she had planned on letting my try anal sex that night. So I was going at it and she was into it as far as i could tell. Then she told me she wanted me to put my cock in her ass. Well to make this shorter, I eventually did and she started crying. I asked if I should stop a couple times, and through tears she said keep going. I did finish up, but this episode kind of ruined anal sex for me after that. Maybe that was also her plan, not sure. I am only really comfortable receiving anal now.
Wow.
Words fail me.
I admire you for sharing that.
It was the hardest couple of weeks in my life. I guess it wasn't surprising that I needed some kind of catharsis.
Thanks for reading.