How NOT to pull: Pick up techniques that are guaranteed to fail

Just avoid the following tips on how NOT to pull (), and you should be OK.

1. Don’t be too drunk to stand

No matter how charming and eligible you might be in your sober state, no-one looks like an attractive prospect when they’re using their mate as a crutch.

2. Shoving your crotch against a woman’s backside is not an acceptable substitute for ‘hello’

‘Unwanted sexual contact is hot!’ – said no woman ever.

3. Don’t surround a small group of girls

Forming an inescapable chain with your mates around two or three girls is never going to work. Women are not going to realise they’re cornered and think ‘oh well, you’ve got me, have a quick grope then’. Nope, this situation is only ever going to end with you getting violently shoved out of the way.

4. Grabbing a woman’s hat/scarf/handbag is not a great conversation starter

A cheeky grin as you run off with someone’s trilby does not make it any less like stealing. But to be fair, women are just as guilty of this one as men are.

5. Do not hit on a woman more than once

If a woman has already told you, with increasing vehemence, that she’s not interested, then seventh time probably won’t be the charm.

6. Do not hit on every woman in a group

Working your way around the circle trying to grind against each woman in turn is never going to yield results. A women is not going to pick up a guy that three of her friends have already rejected right in front of her.

7. Do not step between two women who are dancing together

Women get fiercely protective when they’re out with friends. If a guy tries to forcibly separate a woman from the pack, the others will go full-on lioness on you. Also, she was quite enjoying dancing with her friends and you’ve just ruined that for her.

8. And the one simple tip that might actually work?

Smile (at her face, not her boobs), keep your hands to yourself, and say hi. You might still get rejected (not every woman in a bar is single and on the look-out), but at least you won’t get slapped