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In an open relationship however so hard to find a younger woman in the Langford/ Victoria BC area to share my 60 year old husband with. He's in reasonable shape and they could use him as their man toy regularly yet no takers!
19 things everyone should know about sex, according to Reddit
What’s the one thing everyone should know about sex? (Picture: Getty)
Sex is great, and fun, and it shouldn’t be something to stress out over.
Don’t spend a bunch of time researching and planning. Get into it. Enjoy the moment.
But before you get down to it, there are a few things you should know.
Thankfully the people on Reddit are here to help, sharing their need-to-know bits of advice on a thread that asks: ‘what is one thing about sex everyone should know?’
The answers are pretty brilliant (and fairly NSFW, obviously), and should be read and memorised before stripping off.
There can be weird and awkward bodily noises. Just laugh it off or ignore it. Please. – viqueen97
Your first time will probably not be all that great. – ArtSchnurple
inbetweeners awkward sex gif
CUT YOUR FINGERNAILS!!!! – juggles321
Sometimes it’s great and other times it’s meh. – Im_not_that_angry
Married a long time: Have sex in the middle so no one has to sleep in the wet spot.
Always pee after. Always. – slowsloths
Pool/Bath/Jacuzzi sex is actually a bit of a letdown. Why? Water makes for a terrible lubricant. – Universal-Cereal-Bus
A towel nearby or in use is never, ever, a bad idea. – friendsknowthisone
x tell me more mindy project
The hole is lower than you would think – PM_Me_Nuudez
It’s better with the person you like – 15201326
Try not to fart – knucklefudge
Go down on a girl before you have sex with her. Really make her scream. Make her pull your hair so hard you get worried she might pull it out. Learn how to use your tongue to stimulate her clit. Make sure she gets off at least once.
She’ll be much more into the actual sex because the sensation of it will be that much greater – vaevictis037
Everyone likes it differently. Communication is super important. – minminkitten
Sex isn’t love – darkdreamr
It’s ok to laugh. Human bodies at their most vulnerable are often awkward and ridiculous.
Laughter implies comfort and even emotional maturity. It means I’m comfortable with both of our buddies, and I want this to be fun. – NearlyNakedNick
Any guy that says condoms aren’t big enough is lying and needs to wear a condom. – cheappizzaandbeer
It’s nothing like porn. – dadywarbucks231
Most women DO NOT orgasm via penetrative sex. If you don’t want to have to do anything to get her off, don’t have sex.
It takes the average woman almost 10 minutes to get off. And if you don’t care about getting her off, you’re an asshole. – justastarkgenius
Both people have to consent. – Kralcyt
34 insecurities everyone has had during sex
Ellen
‘Hahaha I’m a neurotic mess.’ (Picture: Getty)
If sex is really mind-blowingly great, you’re not worrying about anything.
You’re in the moment, you’re feeling good. Amazing feelings are happening all over your body and it’s incredible.
Sadly, not all sex is like this. And even during really, really good sex, our neurotic side tends to pop up and interrupt occasionally.
Don’t worry. We all do it. It’s just that for some reason, no one ever discusses it. Here are 34 worries we’ve all had while getting it on.
Is this a normal level of turned on? Are other people more turned on usually? Less? Am I sex addict?
I wonder if this is the normal amount of build up people need before they can start the main show.
Am I doing this right? Is this how normal people have sex? What if I’ve been doing it wrong all these years and no one’s ever told me?
Oh. Wow. That’s nice. But If I ask for more they might think I’m being too demanding.
Is this a sexy face? Can they tell I’m enjoying myself? Or do I look like I’m in mild to moderate pain?
I’m being too loud.
I’m being too quiet.
That was a really weird noise to make. Never do that again, self.
Shit. I just maintained eye contact for a touch too long. They probably think I’m a romance-obsessed person intent on a wedding within the month. Cool.
There is literally no way to do dirty talk without sounding ridiculous.
Are these noises right? Is this a normal amount of oh’s and mmm’s? WHAT DO OTHER PEOPLE DO?
Ah. Yep. This angle makes my stomach have ripples. Feeling good. Feeling sexy.
I highly doubt that the places I’d like to be hair-free are entirely hair-free right now.
What if I smell weird?
What if I TASTE weird? Oh God. They’d probably never mention anything. I could be smelling and tasting weird right now and I’d never know.
Am I supposed to have more ‘moves’ than this?
Maybe we should change positions. What’s the normal number of positions to go through in one session? Three? Seven?
What if everyone’s doing twenty positions and I’m really underperforming? What if no one even changes positions? I need to do a survey.
awkward sex no strings attached
19 awkward sex things nobody prepared us for
Maybe I should be watching more porn. For research.
Am I supposed to be more flexible?
I could fart right now. That would be horrible.
I could pee.
Can they see my butthole in this position? Are they staring at it? Like, directly into my butthole?
Whoa. What if on this one day, even with years of personal hygiene experience, I haven’t wiped properly. Oh God.
Do my bits look normal? Just in general?
I have no rhythm. This isn’t working. We’re not gelling. I’m a failure of sexiness.
My room really isn’t tidy enough for this to be happening here.
Hmm. What they’re doing right now doesn’t feel amazing. Can I tell them without sounding like a massive dick?
God, I’m tired. My legs are sore. But if I stop it will kind of ruin that sexy, super-fit image I’m going for.
Shiiiiiit my body is definitely about to make a weird noise.
Oh God. That’s amazing. I’m going to cum too soon, and it’s going to be really awkward.
Or I’m never going to cum. And we’ll both feel too embarrassed to give up.
OH. Wow. Yes. My orgasm face is probably so weird.
Will they judge me if I sleep now?
…Or ask them to leave?
Don’t panic, guys. Your worries are fine, so are your sexual preferences, and we can all just relax, breathe, and enjoy it.
INSECURITY-FREE SEX FOR ALL!
8 really strange pieces of sex advice
awkward sex no strings attached
Awkward. (Picture: Paramount)
Most of us could probably do with a few helpful tips to spice up our sex lives.
But maybe don’t take your inspiration from this list of the weirdest sex advice people have ever received, brought to us by the people on Whisper.
Because doing a handstand while in the throes of passion just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
So instead take this as a guide of what not to do to improve
Except definitely don’t use maple syrup as lube. That’s a terrible idea.
Oh, and the anal beads thing…
Do a handstand while having sex, it helps the pain when you’re new to it apparently.
‘When you’re having sex go crossed eyed, it’s funny as hell.’ Says my mom.
MORE: This 19th century sexpert has great advice, if you don’t ever want to have sex again
Treat sperm like it is acid, don’t let that sh*t get anywhere close to your skin.
Someone told me that swallowing grapes whole was good practice for deep throat.
Don’t pull anal beads like you’re starting a lawn mower.
Don’t use maple syrup as lube.
If you do it upside down you’ll get pregnant quicker.
If you cough during sex you can’t get pregnant
People admit the stupidest things they have done because they were horny
You just can’t justify the things you do when you’re horny (Picture: Shutterstock)
Let’s face it, everyone has done at least one stupid thing when it comes to sex.
Whether that thing is completely embarrassing or just seriously questionable, there’s no doubt that being horny completely changes the way you think.
For a short time, anyway.
Someone who goes under the username ‘shutyourcumtunnel’ (figures, doesn’t it?) has taken to Reddit to ask other users about the weirdest things they have done when horny.
And, as you’d probably expect, the answers are pretty hilarious.
Because goodbye doesn’t really mean goodbye.
Contacted an ex-f*** buddy who I’d said goodbye to months before. I even told him he’ll “never see me again.” Welp, a couple of months later and I’m sitting on his face just because I was close by his place. Oh well.
And making irrational decisions seems somewhat rational.
Snatched my ex from her boyfriend. She ended up crazy and now I have a wonderful girlfriend.
Taking things a step too far.
Married my ex wife.
Being incredibly forgetful and ridiculously inappropriate.
Watched porn on my younger sister’s phone. And didn’t erase the browser history.
Yes, I still hate myself for that one.
Being 14. Not sure that’s an excuse, though.
I was 14 and horny, no condom so what did I do? Wrapped a trash bag around my dick and duct taped it. It worked sadly.
Working things too hard.
Pulled my erection off.
Not focusing enough on yourself.
Got a boyfriend for 8 months.
But girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money…
Pretended to like Good Charlotte.
I just don’t understand.
I leaned on the wall and jizzed into my mouth. As I was jizzing it was good but after I was like WTF did I do?
And the one that just doesn’t seem worth it. At all.
Having sex with the crazy smelly girl I work with, without a bag I must say. She gave me crabs
5 reasons you should have an open relationship
(Picture: Getty)
Monogamy is not for everyone and we all know someone who has been unfaithful or cheated on.
So why are we shying away from open relationships?
And why is monogamy deemed as the norm?
Here’s five reasons why some people are better off in open relationships.
Couples in open relationships have a much more honest commitment.
From being given an occasional pass, to a fling that lasted for a few months, there are no secrets.
Monogamy is not in your vocab and that’s fine.
The sooner you understand that, the better your relationships will become.
If the thought of committing to one person doesn’t make sense to you, why do you keep trying to go against your nature?
You’re a commitaphobe and aren’t used to the rules society has placed on relationships.
You find yourself accidentally flirting on a night out or even online and you don’t like the fact that you can’t share your time sexually or romantically with a few other people.
As long as you’re honest with everyone, why wouldn’t you opt for an open relationship?
How can having sex with multiple people be healthy? Simple.
By being honest about your sexual activities and always practising safe sex.
Affairs are less safe sexually and mentally.
The best bit about open relationships is that you both decide on what is allowed and what isn’t.
You’re the rule-maker of your relationship status and rules.
Whether you want to go to a swingers party occasionally or if he wants to have sex outside of the relationship once a year, you can discuss and agree on all this in advance
11 reasons why you shouldn’t get into an open relationship
Because who isn’t completely free from jealousy really? (Credit: Getty Images)
Monogamy isn’t for everyone, this is true. We can have our heads turned while coupled up so of course open relationships might be an option for some.
But for others, not so much. To be honest, it sounds a lot like some magical, unrealistic, ideal situation where no one gets jealous and no gets hurt.
Come on, let’s be straight with each other. It just doesn’t work.
Thinking about entering an open relationship? Here’s why you shouldn’t.
That’s the number one tip in so many lists and blogs about starting an open relationship. And who is really good at that?
According to therapists it’s the number one relationship problem couples face, so what chance do we have?
2) You’re used to long-term relationships
It might take some getting used to, meaning an awkward transition period. And what if you never get used to it?
3) If you’re doing it to please your partner
That’s a one way ticket to resentment and getting hurt if you’re only doing it for someone else.
If your heart’s not really into the idea and you won’t get the same enjoyment, then what’s the point?
4) Who has the time…?
Between work, family and friends, I can’t be the only person who feels they hardly have time for one partner, let alone two. Or three. Or more.
And all that texting you have to do and dates…aren’t we busy enough?
5) Worry over STDs
Having an open relationship requires a lot of trust, particularly for them to be safe in their sexual encounters outside your relationship.
Maybe it’s just us being paranoid, but when studies like this one say that the more partners you have, the greater risk of STDs, you do start to wonder if it’s really worth it.
6) Because there are still rules
For it to work successfully, apparently you still have to draw up a list of ground rules. Sounds like exactly what you do in a relationship, doesn’t it?
If you want true freedom to sleep with other people, surely singledom sounds more attractive.
7) Risk of catching deeper feelings
Damn you, oxytocin. That brain chemical that bonds you emotionally to the person you’re meant to be sharing with other people.
Strong feelings only lead to jealousy and therefore drama. It’s just not good.
The possibility of them finding someone better in bed than you
Think about it – would you really be happy knowing that your partner is getting better sex elsewhere? What if they’re willing to do crazy things your partner wants to do that you’re not so keen on?
Maybe it wouldn’t bother you – but you can’t deny there’s a risk.
Or they get feelings for someone else
.
It could happen – sex is quite intimate. And then you would be left high and dry with no lobster
The possibility of bumping into your beau on a date with someone else
Or worse seeing them make out with them. Imagine the awks.
If you’re not a jealous person and would be okay with this, then fine. But if you’ve reached point four it might be a gut-wrenching sight to see.
Knowing everything they say they’re probably saying to someone else
Compliments such as ‘you’re beautiful’ or ‘you’re the best’ are not the same anymore.
Don’t they just feel a bit cheap now you know they’re not just for you?
Is it just me who would feel a bit sad inside