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slaveyearning 44 F
38 Articles
Score 0.0
caveman   8/30/2024

why did the cave man drag his woman by the hair ? <br><br> because if he had dragged her by the feet her pussy would fill with sand


1 Comments, 19 Views, 17 Votes ,1.29 Score
2001valentino 62 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
wife visits gynecologist   7/24/2024

During the doctors examination the Doc exclaims that Karen's vagina is the largest he's ever seen, and he's seen a lot over the years. She starts getting angry and finally tells the doc, "how could you say such a thing to me, even if it is the biggest one you've ever seen!? I've never been so insulted in all my life!" She gets off the table, throws her clothes on ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 7 Votes ,1.00 Score
slaveyearning 44 F
38 Articles
Score 0.0
sex therapist for seniors   7/17/2024

a senior couple go to the sex therapist and asked him to observe them having sex. the two geezers impress him. they make an appointment for next week and leave. this goes on for six weeks and after their session the therapist asked "just what kind of problems are you supposed to be having? everything seems quite normal and even impressive with your age. the man tells him well we can't do ...


1 Comments, 18 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
tazdawg46 54 M
41 Articles
Score 0.0
toliet paper ...............   3/18/2024

this rabbit is sitting under a tree taking his morning dump and along walks a big bear and leans against the tree and the little rabbit is so scared that he is clinched up too tight to squeeze one out the bear notices him and says morning rabbit to which the rabbit replies m m morning mr bear while trying his best to finish and run away <br><br> the bear grunts a couple times and ...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 24 Votes ,0.74 Score
AmandaObey 57 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
The Heaven year itch   2/18/2024

When you die and go up rather than down, you are asked a question and must answer it correctly to pass through the gates. There is a blonde ahead of me ready to be asked her question and she is all fidgety and nervous ... I heard St Peter mutter to himself, 'Lord Father, she seems like a nice girl so I will ask her an easy question'... So he asks her , 'What is the name of Gods only ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 19 Votes ,0.36 Score
AmandaObey 57 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
SLUt....(SaltLake, Ut)   2/18/2024

Back about 10 years ago I was living quite well on the Jersey shore. Had a great job, beautiful Benz, spent weekends back up in my hometown next to NYC, spent lots of time at the beach or on the water, had good times in AC or up in Philly.... It was great ! When I talk about it to people now they often will ask, 'So what on earth brought you to Salt Lake City ?' And I tell them ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 12 Votes ,0.33 Score
slaveyearning 44 F
38 Articles
Score 0.0
why dont you diet ?   11/30/2023

fat guy in locker room shower and guy walks in and asks. "how long since you seen your dick " fat guy says ... long time guy says "why dont you diet ? fat guy says " why what color is it now ? <br><br> <br><br> please comment


1 Comments, 58 Views, 44 Votes ,0.11 Score
Victorioussf 41 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
I like my women like I like my coffee   10/19/2023

I send it back for not being hot enough!


2 Comments, 65 Views, 52 Votes
Springfiel117 44 M
18 Articles
Score 2.3
Meh   10/10/2023

When did the messenger stop letting new members message people using points?


0 Comments, 54 Views, 44 Votes
DracwulaX 53 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The Engagement Ring   10/9/2023

The kinky couples had a long & restless weekend, husband uses his free hand & pushes his wife's belly in ward, he said ... "Don't move my love ... I think I found our engagement ring"... he pulls his wrist out of her ass... curious, he then said... "This isn't mine".


0 Comments, 37 Views, 21 Votes ,0.40 Score
sisyforblackcock 66 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
joke   8/9/2023

question what's better than a dozen roses on a piano <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> answer tulips (two lips) on an organ


1 Comments, 55 Views, 48 Votes
slaveyearning 44 F
38 Articles
Score 0.0
guaranteed weight loss   5/4/2023

man walking down the street and sees a sign that says guaranteed weight loss. <br><br> he goes inside and sees a real beauty at the desk and asks about the sign and she explains. pay 100.00 and we guarantee 10lbs weight loss in one day. excited he pays her the money and she instructs him to strip off his clothes and go into the room with the green door. inside he finds the most ...


3 Comments, 129 Views, 47 Votes ,0.83 Score
Bootman622 62 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The Biker   3/30/2023

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. <br><br> The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." <br><br> The Lord said, ...


1 Comments, 84 Views, 37 Votes ,0.87 Score
Mr_X75 48 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
How do you piss off Whinney The Pooh?   3/8/2023

Stick two fingers in his honey ...


1 Comments, 99 Views, 80 Votes
4isbig 47 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
I flirted with disaster last night   12/11/2022

Now disaster won’t stop texting me.


0 Comments, 94 Views, 85 Votes
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Succeed   10/11/2022

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until you do suck seed.


0 Comments, 170 Views, 151 Votes
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Sperm   10/3/2022

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.


1 Comments, 156 Views, 139 Votes
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Give it to me!   10/3/2022

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.


1 Comments, 153 Views, 128 Votes
Yorksintoon 54 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Sex Tape   9/25/2022

My neighbours just made a sex tape. of course, they don't know yet.


0 Comments, 130 Views, 111 Votes
MasterP2022 44 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Fishing   8/2/2022

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


0 Comments, 179 Views, 154 Votes
MasterP2022 44 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Mobster joke   8/2/2022

What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.


1 Comments, 152 Views, 139 Votes
SexyLilTart21 25 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
just coz   7/26/2022

ignore this plz..


1 Comments, 52 Views, 41 Votes ,0.33 Score
jthpbigck84 37 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Any?   7/14/2022

Any funny sex jokes anyone would like to share? I think we can all use a laugh!


0 Comments, 173 Views, 159 Votes
breederdad4677 44 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
coins   7/4/2022

just for coins


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
lonelymom4play 46 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
hmm   5/14/2022

for points bcoz im poor


4 Comments, 142 Views, 115 Votes ,0.08 Score
chfnut55 68 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Confronting hate   3/30/2022

hi-speed lead posioning is needed. What is the difference between flying pigs and politicians? The letter F. Three tampons sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other? Nothing. They’re stuck-up cunts. All the richest people in Congress are Democrats, ever wonder why?


1 Comments, 80 Views, 54 Votes ,0.08 Score
Rubicon447 63 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
points   3/15/2022

just for points


1 Comments, 111 Views, 102 Votes
staggerlee7819 46 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A laughting motorcycle   8/16/2021

What do you call a laughting motorcycle? <br><br> A Yamahahaha


1 Comments, 213 Views, 183 Votes
jthpbigck69 40 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Any funny Sex Stories   8/12/2021

Anyone love to share something funny that has occurred in bed?


1 Comments, 159 Views, 140 Votes
staggerlee7819 46 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Airplanes   8/11/2021

I have a joke about airplanes, but it seems to go over peoples heads.


1 Comments, 169 Views, 151 Votes
JTP84HUGE1 40 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
SEX Jokes   7/26/2021

Anyone have some funny jokes or stories that have occurred while in the sack?


0 Comments, 119 Views, 101 Votes
jtphugeone69 40 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
JOKERS   5/5/2021

Any funny sex jokes out there?


0 Comments, 117 Views, 104 Votes
staggerlee7819 46 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
bad joke   4/28/2021

man walks into a bar.... ouch!


0 Comments, 169 Views, 136 Votes
JTHPBIGONE69 40 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Funny   4/8/2021

An funny sex jokes out there?


0 Comments, 98 Views, 88 Votes
ClimaxHer 66 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Vaccine joke   2/26/2021

If we get our Covid vaccine shot in our butt, can we call that shot a "Butta-Fauci?"


1 Comments, 174 Views, 159 Votes
ClimaxHer 66 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Mask-cott   2/25/2021

If we boycott the mask mandates, can we that a "Mask-cott"?


0 Comments, 155 Views, 140 Votes
ClimaxHer 66 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Canine quarantine   2/21/2021

The World Health Organization, W.H.O., is concerned that the new virus will spread to dogs. Therefore they have ordered all dogs worldwide to be quarantined for 14 to keep dogs safe from the new covid virus. 15 days from now you can release your out of quarantine, and then you can sing "W.H.O. let the dogs out?"


4 Comments, 124 Views, 103 Votes
Rubicon447 63 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Bad dad joke   2/3/2021

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!


2 Comments, 142 Views, 123 Votes
daddy2_fuk_u 64 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Ladies and Gentlemen   1/6/2021

I give you all. <br><br> Joke ends


1 Comments, 59 Views, 48 Votes
jtpbigcck69 40 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Dirty jokes   10/9/2020

Anyone have good dirty jokes to share? lol


2 Comments, 86 Views, 71 Votes
jollygreenj1 67 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
kinsey   5/14/2020

Anyone else old enough remember the movie ""? They claimed Revel's Bolero was THE choice in banging music. Awhile later Kinsey did A study and OMG Bolero was America's choice. Incredibly enough for Gay Men their choice was also a classical piece the "William Bend Overture".


3 Comments, 255 Views, 223 Votes ,0.05 Score
justanotherperv7 28 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
ignore please :P   4/7/2020

taco butt


8 Comments, 369 Views, 301 Votes ,0.28 Score
rikkalikestoo699 24 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
please ignore   3/20/2020

just for coz im horny


0 Comments, 8 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
tazdawg46 54 M
41 Articles
Score 0.0
blonde school teacher   3/15/2020

a young blonde school teacher was trying to make her students understand blood circulation. after going over what the books said a couple of times she realized it was going to take more effort on her part to make them understand. since she was wearing pants she stood on her head against the wall for couple minutes. then she asked a couple of students to come up and make observations. one of them ...


1 Comments, 216 Views, 110 Votes ,0.26 Score
Guard_u 43 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Making jokes of others 02   2/26/2020

I can imagine why some people make jokes of others.... Bottom line is that most of them have low self-esteem. What do u think ?


1 Comments, 184 Views, 166 Votes ,0.55 Score
Guard_u 43 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Making jokes of others 01   2/12/2020

Telling jokes so every one laughs is one thing, making fun of someone is another. Making something thats funny a joke is something else than making him a joke ! ty


3 Comments, 194 Views, 177 Votes ,0.63 Score
ForbiddenStudent 38 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Canadian joke   1/29/2020

How do you upset a Canadian? In conversation, say "oh, you meant ice hockey."


9 Comments, 300 Views, 238 Votes ,0.49 Score
Stradolin 57 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Why?   1/16/2020

Why do women wake up and rub their eyes? <br><br> Because they don't have any balls to scratch.


6 Comments, 280 Views, 231 Votes ,0.73 Score
Darkmatterwants 69 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Sexist   1/13/2020

Why do women have smaller feet than men? <br><br> To enable them to get closer to the kitchen sink!


0 Comments, 10 Views, 7 Votes ,1.77 Score
RBlu1 49 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
How many good people   1/11/2020

Does it take to find


4 Comments, 245 Views, 197 Votes ,0.28 Score
coffeebuddy4u 54 M
0 Articles
Score 0.0
Hunting Season   1/8/2020

A father goes hunting for some deer and he nails a beautiful 1o point buck butt does a bad job cleaning the meat when he makes it for dinner. His wife comes by later and says "Dear I was masturbating and I found a pellet." He thinks nothing of it and tell her not to worry about it. Later his comes by says she got horny and found a pellet when she tried to fuck herself. He thinks ...


3 Comments, 275 Views, 155 Votes ,1.37 Score
ForbiddenStudent 38 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
A dad joke   1/5/2020

Did you hear about the Victoria's secret in Canada? They are thinking of changing their name to 'Panty Hosers'.


5 Comments, 176 Views, 144 Votes ,1.06 Score
Stradolin 57 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
How Many?   1/1/2020

How many guitarists does it take change a light bulb? <br><br> . change it and 10 sit around and say, "I could have changed that way better!"


1 Comments, 97 Views, 86 Votes ,1.66 Score
jf23231 53 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
The doctor is in   12/26/2019

Knock knock


5 Comments, 65 Views, 37 Votes ,1.04 Score
Stradolin 57 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
What's the difference?   12/26/2019

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? <br><br> The taste.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 24 Votes ,1.77 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Barred2   12/23/2019

Bear walks into a bar. <br><br> Bear:- "one pint of .......................... beer please" <br><br> Barman:- "why the long pause?" <br><br> (Bear:- "waiting for more points")


2 Comments, 33 Views, 25 Votes ,1.47 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Barred   12/23/2019

walks into a bar. <br><br> Barman:- "why the long face?" <br><br> (:- "Haven't got enough points to chat to someone...")


3 Comments, 22 Views, 14 Votes ,1.54 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Hoping to make a good point.....   12/23/2019

<br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . .... or 2 or 3.


2 Comments, 20 Views, 12 Votes ,0.86 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
What goes up, and never comes down?..........................   12/12/2019

<br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . <br><br> . ..... the amount of points needed to chat to someone on IM!!


3 Comments, 12 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Getting all catty   12/10/2019

Entered my cat into the cat olympics milk drinking competition. She set a new lap record...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Just getting by.   12/10/2019

What's the point? where's the points?


0 Comments, 4 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
thtwtwy765 38 F
3 Articles
Score 0.0
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final s   11/6/2019

A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final sentence, called the punchline… In fact, the main condition is that the tension should reach its highest level at the very end. No continuation relieving the tension should be added. As for its being "oral, " it is true that jokes may appear printed, but when further transferred, there ...


6 Comments, 54 Views, 19 Votes ,4.31 Score
knott4milfs 30 M
13 Articles
Score 0.0
watching   11/5/2019

watching drunk bitches get drunk and start to fight and watching them fight is funny


0 Comments, 7 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Stradolin 57 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Difference?   10/30/2019

Q: What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? <br><br> A: The taste.


0 Comments, 4 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
u_serve_me_now 47 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Chuck Norris   10/26/2019

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already had three missed calls by Chuck Norris!


2 Comments, 12 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
u_serve_me_now 47 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?   10/26/2019

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> ... all! hahahah!


1 Comments, 13 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
make your point   10/14/2019

Hoping to make lots of points here.


1 Comments, 6 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
You old you   10/12/2019

What type of has magical powers.................................................................................................. ............................... ............................. ......................... .................. ............ .......... ...... A labracadabrador


0 Comments, 6 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
Verycherry111 45 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Points   10/10/2019

Hey there, points points points.


0 Comments, 3 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Verycherry111 45 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Points   10/10/2019

Hey there, points points points.


2 Comments, 12 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
Verycherry111 45 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Points   10/10/2019

Hey there, points points points.


0 Comments, 6 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
Verycherry111 45 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Points   10/10/2019

Hey there, points points points.


0 Comments, 5 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Verycherry111 45 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Points   10/10/2019

Hey there, points points points.


0 Comments, 3 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Niceblueeeyes36 48 M
9 Articles
Score 0.0
Oranges and lemons   10/9/2019

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot.......................... <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> ................... a carrot.


0 Comments, 8 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
dog4milfs12 24 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
looking at you   10/5/2019

looking for a woman here can be very hard because all they want is what they prefer there wants most of the ladies here don;t even realize that they are way off on there wants there nothing here that is perfect you want all that tell we see your picture and we see that your fucking joking ladies wake up this is not fantasy world your not everything you though you where believe most men here at ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
dog4milfs12 24 M
12 Articles
Score 0.0
dirty   10/3/2019

meeting new mature woman is a joke because some are sooo serious and some are soo picky come on you are too picky your mature you dont have the same when you where soooo quit being sooo picky


0 Comments, 15 Views, 9 Votes ,0.86 Score
jf23231a 53 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Knock Knock   6/19/2019

whos there ?


3 Comments, 26 Views, 11 Votes ,0.92 Score
meki871987 37 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
I always laugth on this   1/9/2019

This reminds me, when i was tied up by the first time, and suddenly I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't


7 Comments, 121 Views, 23 Votes ,6.51 Score
ToniBiM 63 M
0 Articles
Score 0.0
ER Visit   12/31/2018

A man goes into the ER complaining of anal pain. The doctor orders x-rays to see what's going on. When reviewing the x-rays they notice 3 plastic heads inside the man's ass. The nurse looks at the doctor and says... <br><br> "Doctor, will he be alright?" <br><br> The doctor replies.... <br><br> "Don't worry nurse he's ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Tattoo   7/30/2018

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually, go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. 'What's that?' the lady questions. 'Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.' ...


3 Comments, 81 Views, 15 Votes ,4.82 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Get well soon!   7/27/2018

A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. <br><br> Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at ...


4 Comments, 92 Views, 13 Votes ,4.65 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Files Her Tax Return   7/27/2018

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br> The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a ." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. ...


7 Comments, 105 Views, 16 Votes ,4.74 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Born When?   7/24/2018

I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and told her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman was born, simply by holding their breasts in my hands. <br><br> She thought I was having her on but was nonetheless very curious. <br><br> Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said “Oh go-on then, give it a go!” <br><br> I ...


3 Comments, 58 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Silent Treatment   7/23/2018

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am" and left it where he knew she would find ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Confession   7/20/2018

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. <br><br> When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' ...


2 Comments, 49 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Getting The Most Out Of Counselling   7/15/2018

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be ...


2 Comments, 38 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The King And The Counts   7/15/2018

A King ordered the heads of several of his counts chopped off because they refused to reveal where they had buried their treasures. As the axes began to fall, one count decided to change his mind, but it was too late. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken. !"


0 Comments, 24 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
SoliceFun 41 M
0 Articles
Score 0.0
Small get together   7/12/2018

: There will be a small gathering in the school tomorrow. Please come. Dad: What do you mean? Who will be there? : Only you, me, and the school principal.


3 Comments, 116 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
evansjih 36 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
All idiot   7/12/2018

Teacher: All idiots stand up. A boy stands up. Teacher: So you are an idiot? Boy: No. I can’t bear your standing alone Sir.


3 Comments, 92 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE HORTH WITHPERER   7/12/2018

Bob calls his buddy Sam, the rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a . Sam asks "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female . "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I ...


2 Comments, 39 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Golfer and the Leprechaun.   7/12/2018

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you ...


1 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
My First Time   7/9/2018

It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. <br><br> The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. <br><br> Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. <br><br> Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. <br><br> I ...


3 Comments, 35 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Blonde Painting   7/9/2018

One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???" <br><br> The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage." <br><br> The girl says, ...


2 Comments, 37 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A Drunk   6/28/2018

A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies. About that time the cop looks down ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Organist   6/28/2018

A small church had a very attractive big- busted organist and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. <br><br> Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. <br><br> <br><br> So, one ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Finally a sensitive man   6/12/2018

A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
"I’ve outlived my dick." A Poem - by Willie Nelson   6/6/2018

My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. <br><br> Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing. <br><br> It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Senior Surgery   6/4/2018

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his . 'Yes, dad, what is it?' 'Don't be nervous, ; Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE   6/4/2018

An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. <br><br> The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for ...


1 Comments, 41 Views, 14 Votes ,3.94 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Honesty   6/4/2018

A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?" The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where jewelry comes from."


1 Comments, 28 Views, 10 Votes ,4.38 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
My Travel Plans for 2018-2019   6/4/2018

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. <br><br> I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. <br><br> I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my , ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Holiday Present   5/28/2018

Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says to him: <br><br> "Is there anything you'd like me to bring you back from Paris?" <br><br> Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How about you bring me back a cute little French girl?" <br><br> Bob's wife ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Billy Bob and Luther   5/24/2018

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther" Ya knowI reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it A little different. The last few years I took your advice about where to go." "Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant." "Then two years ago you told me to go ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
WELL, I'LL BE GONE   5/17/2018

A guy walks into a bar with his and says, "I'll have a otch and water and my would like a whiskey sour." <br><br> The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here." <br><br> The replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being diriminated against. Just give me a drink." <br><br> The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Photo on the night stand   5/16/2018

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br> 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br> 'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him. <br><br> 'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br> 'No, not at all, ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Underwear dust   5/3/2018

evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' <br><br> His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br> The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ...


2 Comments, 49 Views, 9 Votes ,2.14 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Fireman Sex   5/1/2018

A FIREMAN came home from work day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. <br><br> 'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. <br><br> When I say BELL 2 I want you to ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE BOTTLE OF WINE   5/1/2018

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet , she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE CORK   4/30/2018

Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH.......   4/30/2018

Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was. She suspects of a relationship between the , and this had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered, "I know what you must be ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Cowboy   4/24/2018

Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br> CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br> Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!


1 Comments, 17 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THE BOTTLE OF WINE   4/17/2018

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH.......   4/17/2018

Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her Seamus for 3 days in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was. She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered, "I know what you must ...


2 Comments, 19 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
WHEELIE BIN   4/17/2018

A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro", says the ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Blowjobs   4/13/2018

A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase <br><br> "Where are you going?" He asked <br><br> "Las Vegas" she said' " You can get $400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for something i give you for free" <br><br> "Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want to see you survive on only ...


1 Comments, 20 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Disappointed   4/9/2018

A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me, which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?” <br><br> Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re going to get you fired!” <br><br> The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to ignore it. She asked the ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A drover in the Northern Territories   4/8/2018

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. <br><br> He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. <br><br> Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. <br><br> 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Good Ears   3/28/2018

A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor broke into ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
chaosridden 33 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
:P pointless   3/15/2018

Baka la a derka derka


1 Comments, 6 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Vanilla Pudding Robbery   3/13/2018

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Secret to marriage   3/12/2018

There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
TWO STRINGS   3/6/2018

These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar..." <br><br> The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders... The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" <br><br> String says "Yeah." ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR   3/5/2018

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.' The ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Vicar's Salary.   3/2/2018

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br> Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their !' ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Chicken Sandwich   2/25/2018

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... <br><br> A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 11 Votes ,3.54 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Toys   2/24/2018

What do boobs and toys have in common? <br><br> They were both originally made for , but daddies end up playing with them.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Mice   2/18/2018

Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br> Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br> All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br> but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br> <br><br> ...


1 Comments, 25 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Frank   2/17/2018

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.' Passenger: ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Truth   2/16/2018

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. <br><br> Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” <br><br> The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. <br><br> A while later, she comes running back with ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Math class   2/14/2018

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" <br><br> Johnny says, "None." <br><br> The teacher asks, "Why?" <br><br> Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Primark Catalogue   2/9/2018

Two Thanetians were looking at a Primark Catalog and admiring the Models. <br><br> One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this Catalog?' <br><br> The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!' The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Crosses   2/8/2018

What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart ass which knows it all. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel ...


1 Comments, 17 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Youngknight00 27 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Apples   2/6/2018

A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women <br><br> The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples


1 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,0.53 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A smart blonde!   2/1/2018

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know, " he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...


2 Comments, 40 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Three Little Pigs   2/1/2018

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. <br><br> 'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little piggy. <br><br> <br><br> ! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little piggy. <br><br> 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the third little piggy. ...


3 Comments, 32 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Date Site Descriptions   1/31/2018

You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br> Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter., New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Doctors Never Laugh   1/31/2018

Bob went to a doctor and asked him if he ever laughed at a patient. The doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty I've never laughed at a patient.' 'Okay then, ' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Office Showoff   1/29/2018

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the ph and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
gissa a job   1/29/2018

This will go far... This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so hst and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Maxims   1/22/2018

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Two wrongs are only the beginning. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. Get a new car ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
Score 0.1
North Carolina mountain man was drafted by the Army   1/22/2018

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Spelling.....   1/21/2018

Thought you’d like this: Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect! <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> P N E S I <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
A mental hospital   1/19/2018

After hearing that of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the reuer's file and ed him into his office. <br><br> "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Two Scots   1/18/2018

ots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub diussing Jock's forthcoming wedding. 'Ach, it's all going grand, ' says Jock. 'I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly. 'Havens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock. 'A ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX   1/17/2018

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br> Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX   1/17/2018

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br> Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
But My Wife Won't Like It   1/16/2018

A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart. <br><br> Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him. <br><br> "Hey, are you okay, what's your name?" "Willis, " he replied. <br><br> "Willis forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll you ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Dolphins   1/16/2018

A few ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon who had taken it into his head to collect really strange and exotic pets. day, deciding to add to his collection, he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to the salesman, "Show me the most unusual pet you have in stock!" The salesman took him to an outside tank, in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Racing Snail   1/13/2018

My racing snail is not winning races anymore so I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didnt work if anything its made him more sluggish


0 Comments, 8 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
The Bacon Tree   1/13/2018

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden....... <br><br> 'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.' <br><br> 'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.' <br><br> So, with renewed strength, they ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
Score 0.1
Old man's health check up   1/12/2018

An old man went to the doctor suffering from Piles. The doctor gave him pesaries and told him to put in his rectum every night and come back after week. <br><br> When he got home he said to his wife "Have we got a rectum?". She replied "What's a rectum?". <br><br> The old man said "I've no idea but I have to put of these in it every ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Leaving Early   1/9/2018

women all worked in the same office, with the same female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed, or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early. <br><br> The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, ed ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
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A patient rings his doctor...   1/9/2018

A patient rings his doctor... <br><br> Patient: "Doctor, I applied that Hemorrhoid cream you gave me and got a terrible reaction!" <br><br> Doctor: "Okay, where exactly did you apply it?" <br><br> Patient: "On the bus."


0 Comments, 16 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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NI Women   12/27/2017

Three men sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform. Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away. James had married a woman from ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Frozen Turkey   12/18/2017

Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, 'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.' 'Now, now, ' her mother comforted, 'I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate, ' ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
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Lion cage cleaner   12/17/2017

My first job was at our local Zoo, sweeping the shit out of the lion, s cage........ most of it was mine. They fired me the next week for leaving the cage door open, I said "oh come on, who, s gonna steal a Lion?"


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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I want to see something really cheap   12/15/2017

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. <br><br> <br><br> "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br> "That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Ethel   12/14/2017

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Wedding Night.   12/13/2017

eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous about the hymoon night so the female egg decides to dress up in a skimpy little negligee to them get excited. The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the door. The wife is very shocked by his behavior but ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Catholic Dog   12/13/2017

Muldoon lived al in the Irish countryside with only a pet for company. day the died, and Muldoon we nt to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have s for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Onions And Christmas Trees   12/7/2017

A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br> The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, , there are kinds of Boobs: <br><br> In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. <br><br> In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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LIFE THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY'   12/6/2017

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me. <br><br> Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. <br><br> Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. <br><br> How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Looks of Disappointment   12/5/2017

A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're truly beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...


1 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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ONLY IN SCOTLAND   12/4/2017

A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six pence, ' says the chemist. ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
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166 Articles
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Trained   11/29/2017

An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
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166 Articles
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Mick & Paddy   11/26/2017

Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.' Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'


1 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
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166 Articles
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Paddy   11/24/2017

Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor! He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"


1 Comments, 17 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
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166 Articles
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Deodoranjt   11/20/2017

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.


1 Comments, 13 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Near Death Experience   11/20/2017

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Blonde and the Casino   11/20/2017

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand rand (R20, 000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm Completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
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166 Articles
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HOLY SOAP   11/14/2017

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. <br><br> They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. <br><br> Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.. Having no place to ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
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166 Articles
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Elderly Couple   11/13/2017

An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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This old wino   11/10/2017

This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br> A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This ...


1 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
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166 Articles
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Frozen Wimdows   11/6/2017

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br> Wife texts back: <br><br> <br><br> "computer completely fucked now."


1 Comments, 23 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Trouble sleeping   10/27/2017

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. <br><br> "Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br> "I see, " he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br> "That's not ...


1 Comments, 38 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Jewish Divorce   10/26/2017

A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother. 'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home, a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year.... ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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166 Articles
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50 Years!   10/18/2017

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes. she says. "I remember it well." OK, " he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
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166 Articles
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Vely Good   10/15/2017

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br> She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" <br><br> One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br> The waitress ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
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166 Articles
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How My Husband Broke His Arms....   10/14/2017

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point. <br><br> When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. <br><br> He ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
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166 Articles
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The British Way   10/12/2017

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
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166 Articles
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The Atheist and the Bear   10/11/2017

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself. <br><br> As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. <br><br> He ran as fast as he could up the path. He ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
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166 Articles
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Fairy Tale   10/10/2017

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag or bitch......... But it was a long time ago..... …and it was just the ONE day. The End


0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Guy's Logic   10/10/2017

Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes. <br><br> Lady: How much a day? Man: Three 6 packs. <br><br> Lady: How much per 6 pack? Man: About $10.00. <br><br> Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years. <br><br> Lady: So one 6 pack costs $10.00, and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10, 800 ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes
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166 Articles
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Fake two dollar bill   10/9/2017

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me. <br><br> ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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166 Articles
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Harrods   10/8/2017

Harrods <br><br> *A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?' The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
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166 Articles
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Random Jokes   10/8/2017

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br> <br><br> The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. <br><br> I've accidentally ...


1 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
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Sent Packing   10/7/2017

My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left.


0 Comments, 17 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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LAWS OF INEVITABILITY   10/5/2017

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF THE TELEPHONE If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. LAW ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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166 Articles
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The Wedding Night   10/3/2017

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Ital ian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was a very nervous. Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria, John’s a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta." So, uppa she went. When she got upstairs, John took off ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED   9/29/2017

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? <br><br> . At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. <br><br> At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. <br><br> At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. <br><br> ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
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A Few Thoughts For You   9/29/2017

• Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'? • Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...


1 Comments, 14 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
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The Lonely Widow   9/29/2017

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
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Another Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman Joke   9/29/2017

There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says "I was cleaning my 's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes". The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my 's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
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Bruce And Sheila   9/29/2017

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself." Bruce gets a lump in his throat ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
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LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN   9/29/2017

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep . It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
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20 Rules for Successful Writing   9/26/2017

For those of you who write blogs and articles for the site, here a a few simple rules for you. <br><br> 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive 5. Avoid cliches like the plague 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration 7. Be more or ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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Strange Diseases   9/25/2017

A young couple left their wedding reception, arriving at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon. They cracked the champagne and began undressing. When the groom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your toes Look all mangled and funny." "I had tolio as a , " the husband replied. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, the disease only affected my ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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Gas Prices in Paris - Tres Bien!   9/21/2017

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. <br><br> After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. Only two blocks away, however, he was captured when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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Divorce Letter   9/20/2017

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...


1 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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166 Articles
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Little Johnny's Breakfast   9/20/2017

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'. 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'. 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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Jack Schitt   9/19/2017

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says; "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one , Jack. <br><br> In turn, Jack Schitt married ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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Weight Loss   9/18/2017

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. <br><br> The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House   9/14/2017

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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Accident At The Toll Booth   9/13/2017

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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166 Articles
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Main Vice President   9/10/2017

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. <br><br> Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br> "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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Painting the Church   9/8/2017

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. <br><br> As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Local Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. <br><br> Smokey ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes
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166 Articles
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Tales From The Shire   9/7/2017

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!" In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
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166 Articles
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EATING IN THE FIFTIES   9/7/2017

* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. * The ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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New Windows   9/6/2017

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
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166 Articles
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The Elderly Golfer   9/6/2017

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. <br><br> As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads: <br><br> COLD BEER:£3.50 HAMBURGER: £4.50 CHEESEBURGER: £5.00 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £5.50 HAND JOB: £200.00 <br><br> Checking ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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The Salesman   9/3/2017

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. <br><br> "Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." <br><br> "Go away!" said the old lady. ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
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HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT?   9/1/2017

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." <br><br> When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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THIS IS WHY PARENTS DRINK!!   8/30/2017

A father passing by his 's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' <br><br> With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. <br><br> Dear Dad: It is with great regret and ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Tomatoes   8/27/2017

See if this works for yours (tomatoes that is) . . . <br><br> <br><br> A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Survey   8/26/2017

In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest just enjoyed the peace and quiet.


1 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Funny Thoughts for the Day   8/24/2017

• Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'? • Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Irish v. The French!   8/23/2017

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. <br><br> 'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!' 'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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A guy's guide to spotting Ms Wrong by the end of the first date   8/22/2017

When you're in the thick of a first date, judgement may not be on your side. Often you'll find yourself asking or agreeing to see her again, then waking up the next morning to a clear-as-day realisation that you don't want a second date at all. <br><br> Rather than try to squeeze out of it once it's too late, you should sharpen those powers of first-date perception. ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED   8/18/2017

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Pumpkin   8/17/2017

This was apparently in the Washington Post .... The title of the article was Best Come Back Line Ever.' In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County Courthouse on Monday. The ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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SKIRT ZIPPER   8/15/2017

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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DATING RITUALS of women   8/10/2017

CANADIAN WOMEN

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Irish Radio Phone In Quiz   8/9/2017

Some belters from Larry Gogans radio show phone in quiz called the "just a minute quiz"

(Larry) Q. Something a blind man might use? (Contestant) A. A sword



(L.) Q. A song with the word moon in the title? C.) A. Blue suede moon



L.) Q. Name the capital of France? C.) A. "F"



L.) Q. Name a bird with a long neck? C.) A. Naomi Campbell ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Letter From The Boss   8/8/2017

Memorandum

TO: All employees FROM: The boss DATE:August 8th, 2017 RE: Foul Language



It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
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Earrings   8/6/2017

Earrings





Have you ever wondered why some men wear earrings?

A man was at work one day when he noticed his co-worker was wearing an earring. Knowing his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, he was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to his co-worker and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Poor Elton   8/2/2017

Elton John goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Elton, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have HIV."

Elton is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

Doc says "Eat one sausage, one head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal and top it ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Pregnancy Question   8/2/2017

Catherine, pregnant with her first , paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know, " the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it, " Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Groans   8/1/2017

Doctor Evil cloned himself again. This time created a full size version of himself. He was charged with "Bigger Me."

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Dollywood is currently undergoing renovations....please PARTON our dust!

Don't put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.

Dr. Oleander Fern, the noted biologist, was stumped. He had spent months ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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How To Poop At Work   8/1/2017

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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My Wife Left Me   7/31/2017

My wife left me... And I don't understand.

After the last was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.

I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for makeup.

I said, "Wait a ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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My US Air Force   7/31/2017

Even Zoomies get it right once in a while.

A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base ops and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the flight ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
pack3rs 55 T
7 Articles
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Teacher Arrested   7/27/2017

Teacher Arrested



A public school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Theresa May said she believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

she did not identify the man, ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Wongs   7/26/2017

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations, ' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Stuck In A Bog   7/26/2017

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.

"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry, " assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."

Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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DOLLY PARTON AND QUEEN ELIZABETH   7/25/2017

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Lone Ranger's Last Request   7/25/2017

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request ???'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE   7/25/2017

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Wrong Suit   7/25/2017

An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strode up to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Miracle Cure   7/20/2017

NEW - Miracle Cure!!!





• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

• Do you suffer from shyness?

• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?



If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Great Advice   7/20/2017

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have found inner peace.

The article read:

'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off the things you have started'.

So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished .... and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, a ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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A tale of four cats   7/20/2017

Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen

and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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pest Control   7/3/2017

An Irishwoman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick, " said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Odd One Out   7/3/2017

Odd One Out

Which is the odd 1 out? 1. Toaster. 2. Washing machine. 3. Dish washer. 4. Woman.

Answer = A toaster.... Its the only 1 that doesnt drip when its fucked


0 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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2 Irish Nuns   7/3/2017

Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross." So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Mother Of Six   6/29/2017

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 , begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of six, " he would say, "Get me a beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?" This type of situation persisted to a boiling ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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A Biker Story   6/29/2017

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

I'm going to commit suicide, " she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Three Worst Chinese Tortures   6/29/2017

The Three Worst Chinese Tortures



Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was walking in the middle of a Chinese forest when he stumbled upon a huge mansion. It was close to nightfall and he had no where to stay, no food, and nothing to make camp; so he walked up to the mansion and rang the doorbell. A very ancient man with a long beard brushing the floor answered the ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Dear Alcohol   6/9/2017

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that ...


2 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The power of Alcohol   6/9/2017

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his was born without torso, arms or legs. The is just a head! But the dad loves his and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Moral Test   5/25/2017

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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A Jewish Divorce   5/25/2017

A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother. 'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely little arsehole, the size of a 5C piece. Now its the size of a 50C piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home, a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year.... and you want to give all that up ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House   5/25/2017

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Survey   5/22/2017

In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest just enjoyed the peace and quiet.


0 Comments, 13 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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DATING RITUALS OF WOMEN   5/22/2017

CANADIAN WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN First Date: ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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A Night At The Farmhouse   5/20/2017

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room. "I could let you sleep with my , " the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her." The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's at his side. The next ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Silent Treatment   5/20/2017

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am" and left it where he knew she would find it. ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Barbie Girl   5/20/2017

A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realises that it's his 's birthday and he has not bought her a gift. So he stops at a toy store to buy his a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbies are.

The girl responds: "Which one? We have:

Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95 Volleyball Barbie: $19.95 Shopping Barbie: $19.95 Surfer ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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3 Eggs And A Little Cash   5/19/2017

A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7, 000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for. "Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box". Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Chess   5/19/2017

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked as they moved along. "Because, " said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Brothel   5/18/2017

Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday, and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out happy and smiling. One day they became curious and decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys, and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and tell her that they are ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED   5/18/2017

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.

Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"

Q: Why is a blonde like a door ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Blondes and Oil Changes   5/18/2017

(1996, Texas) 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.


0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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2 Eggs   5/18/2017

Two eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous about the honeymoon night so the female egg decides to dress up in a skimpy little negligee to help them get excited. The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the door. The wife is very shocked by his ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Date Site Descriptions   5/18/2017

You might find this amusing. Dating Site Descriptions What they Really MEAN: !!!!

Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun = Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter., New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong = Argumentative , ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Man's Perspective.   5/18/2017

The site from a mans perspective, is strange and bordering on sad, we get the various categories, which by not saying to much, you don't seem to fit into, mostly the categories include: 1) Look at me, 20 photos some with wind machine blowing that Farah Forsett hair around but there not affected. 2) Don't smoke but the fag in hand gives it away but that doesn't mater because the 2 cans of Stella ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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Husband And Wife   5/16/2017

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
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The Atheist And The Bear   5/16/2017

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
bootlckboy39 51 M
14 Articles
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Man finds best fitness program till last   3/27/2017

Man finds out he needs to lose some weight quickly and sees ad on back of newspaper saying ultimate fitness program. He calls and asks for service.

Next day a fit blonde arrives and says "If you can catch me, you can have me".

He chases her, loses pounds and has her.

Next day he calls and asks for upgrade. Shortly, a petite redhead arrives and says "If you can catch me, ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
bootlckboy39 51 M
14 Articles
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Toys and boobs   3/23/2017

Two boys talking and one says to the other, "Why are boobs like toys?"

The other boy smiles and says "Because they are fun to play with but end up in your mouth".

Both smile. Thanks women for everything.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
PussiKontrol 54 F
1 Article
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What did the duck say to the ?   2/13/2017

Put it on my BILL!


5 Comments, 38 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
PussiKontrol 54 F
1 Article
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What did the psychiatrist say to the naked crazy man wrapped in Saran Wrap?   2/13/2017

I can CLEARLY see your('re) NUTS!


1 Comments, 18 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
One Wprd Or Two   1/13/2017

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Making breakfast   1/13/2017

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful, " he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Riddles with an X in front of the rated!   1/13/2017

Apologies if some are a little crass but some of them are gold! . . . . X-RATED RIDDLES Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. ============================================= Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ============================================= Q. What's the definition of macho? ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
When Jane met Tarzan   1/13/2017

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle...





When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex, " he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Composure Or Aplomb   1/13/2017

The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire.

This message is for my friends who appreciate the finer points of the English language used correctly.

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Carson , " said His Lordship.

"I am ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
What Happened Next?   1/13/2017

A man is talking to his best friend about married life.

"You know, " he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."

His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.

"While I'm away, ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
tounginu59 65 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Simaltaneous orgasm   12/28/2016

A guy went to his dr and asked why it was he and his wife never have an orgasm together and if there is anything he can do to make it happen. The dr. told himthe next time you have sex to put his pistol under his pillow. When he was about to have his orgasm he was to pull it out and shoot it into the floor. He said it would scare her so much that she would have an orgasm. The said thanks doc, ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Baby's First Doctor Visit   11/3/2016

Baby's First Doctor Visit

I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed, " she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist, " ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Armstrong2 78 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Satisfaction   10/25/2016

The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.

The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit me." The sadist says "I won't", and they are both satisfied.


0 Comments, 21 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Armstrong2 78 M
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Banking   10/24/2016

Q. Why is banking like sex? A. After you withdraw you lose interest.


0 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Muslim Logic   8/13/2015

A Muslim couple in Peckham Rye, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together." "Absolutely not, " says the Mullah. "It's ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,0.49 Score
cockbait 46 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Origin of the wood "Boob"   8/4/2015

Q: What is the origin of the word "Boob"? A: The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo" is the front view, the "b" is the side view.


1 Comments, 26 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
cockbait 46 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
10 Inch Bic   8/4/2015

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
In the desert   7/1/2015

2 guys are walking along a desert when they come ascross a girl buried up to her neck. One of them asks, "What's in it for us if we pull you out?" She answers, "Sand."


0 Comments, 96 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
JackAlanHyde 67 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Suspicion   4/26/2015

A guy is talking with his new neighbor, who just moved in a few weeks ago. "Say, Joe, you look down. What's the problem?"

Joe, the new neighbor, says, "Well, I think my wife is cheating on me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, when I first started working for my company, I was in Louisville. Then about two years ago I got a transfer to St. Louis. Last year I was ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
SC00L 55 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Gynaecologists...   4/13/2015

Did you hear about the retired gynaecologist ...? ... He liked to keep his hand in.

Did you hear about the gynaecologist who could wallpaper his hallway through his letter box?


0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
JackAlanHyde 67 M
2 Articles
Score 0.0
Confessions   4/10/2015

A young couple, just married, are driving off to their honeymoon getaway. As they drive, the husband says to his bride, "Honey, I have a little confession to make."

"What is it?" she asked.

"Well, you know a couple of weeks ago, when we were at my parents' place for dinner, and it got late, and they said you could spend the night in the guest room? I remembered you saying that ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
ARW00 67 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The differance   4/6/2015

What is the differance between a woman and a frying pan????









There isnt any. They both have to be hot before you put the meat in


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Blondes on Honeymoon   10/11/2014

A Mother had three virgin blonde daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period.

Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first blonde girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but ...


3 Comments, 209 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Which Do You Prefer?   8/3/2014

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny

Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.


3 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Which Do You Prefer?   8/3/2014

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny

Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.


2 Comments, 30 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
_Magnum 63 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
The bear   7/25/2014

A bear walks into a bar and says "bartender, give me a beer!" The bartender looks at him and shakes his head, "I'm sorry sir, its against the policy of this bar to serve beer to bears." The bear frowned and slammed his paw down and said "I don't care, I want a beer and give it to me now!" The bartender simple shook his head, "I'm sorry sir, its posted and this bar will serve no beers to bears" ...


1 Comments, 191 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
Zeus2512 71 M
166 Articles
Score 0.0
Tickle Me Elmo   7/11/2014

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to ...


1 Comments, 135 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
nowhome34952 64 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
How to Catch a Polar Bear   6/8/2014

First you cut a hole in the ice. Then you encircle it with peas. When the polar bear takes a pea you kick him in the ice hole. Ha Ha Ha


2 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
DarkDominus44 59 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Cricket Rules - made easy!   1/5/2013

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
DarkDominus44 59 M
4 Articles
Score 0.0
Two Brothers   1/5/2013

My Two Brothers

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please." So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
SennaMU 48 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Sexual harassment...   12/8/2012

Might be an old one, but I still think it's funny...

Girl comes to the boss saying her co-worker sexually harasses her every morning. "Why, what does he do?" the boss asks.

"Every morning he walks past me he tells me how good my hair smells."

Boss: "I'm not sure that this constitutes sexual harassment."

Girl: "He's a midget!"


0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes
InderioMinx 55 F
3 Articles
Score 0.0
everyone has limits...   2/6/2012

'Of course I won't laugh, ' said the nurse. 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then, ' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery.

Unable to control herselff, the nurse started giggling, then fell to ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
InderioMinx 55 F
3 Articles
Score 0.0
watch out for the old Ladies...   1/30/2012

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I ...



0 Comments, 150 Views, 14 Votes ,4.58 Score